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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2024-06-27 05:32:45+00:00.
I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Few_Setting_4917. She posted in r/AITAH
Previous BORU is here. Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for finding the update. **New Update marked with *******
Trigger Warnings: References to sexual assault; PTSD; discussions of mental health issues; deliberately trying to trigger someone
Mood Spoiler: Sad and disgusting behavior, but OOP is ok
Original Post: May 30, 2024
I 27F was a bridesmaid at my older sister’s wedding last week. The wedding was beautiful and everything seemed perfect until the reception. During the reception the maid of honor who has been my sister’s best friend since childhood gave her speech. it was emotional and all but then she made a joke about how I was the family screw up who finally managed to do something right by not messing up my bridesmaid duties. Everyone laughed but I didn’t find it funny.
For context I’ve had a rough few years. I struggled with my mental health and dropped out of college for a while. I’ve since gotten my life back on track but it’s still a sensitive topic for me. Hearing that joke in front of all our family and friends wasn’t funny at all. My sister’s best friend and I never really got along but still I never expected something like this from her. Especially the day wasn’t about me at all then why bring me up in the speech?
I tried to stay composed but I felt the tears coming so I quietly left the reception and went outside to collect myself. My sister followed me out and asked what was wrong. When I told her she said it was just a joke and she meant nothing bad. I tried to go back inside but I just couldn’t and I ended up leaving the wedding early. My parents understand why I was upset but my sister is angry with me. I do feel terrible for leaving but I also feel like I had the right to feel hurt and humiliated.
Edit: I said nothing at the moment because I didn’t want to cause a scene on my sister’s special day. And I can’t reason with her right now because she will just ask me if I haven’t been taking my meds lately, that’s what she does when she’s angry with me so I’m giving her some time to maybe realize how her best friend’s joke was out of line.
Edit 2: someone asked me if my sister’s best friend and I argued before/did I give her a reason to do this. My sister’s best friend and I never went past Hi. She told me before (few years ago) that she “in general” doesn’t feel comfortable around someone struggling mentally because in her head God only knows what they’re capable of. since she said this/to this day I just try to avoid her.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: NTA. MOH was being a ‘mean girl’, her point was to be a b*itch and she was. Her speech should have been about the couple who just got married, there was no reason to bring you into her speech at all, except to be mean. MOH should be ashamed of herself as she is the ah here. Your sister not seeing this and her words to you also make her an ah. I’m sorry your sister was crappy to you, may be show her this thread.
OOP: This is what I tried to tell my sister. I thought about it again but I still can’t seem to find a reason for her bringing me into her speech.
Commenter (downvoted): YTA, I bet there’s another side of this story
OOP: Every story have another side, what I’m I supposed to do about that, call my sister and ask her if her best friend up for posting about her side? You think I posted on reddit for advice without putting myself out there then what’s the point.
There is no consensus bot on AITAH, but most responses were NTA
Update Post: June 6, 2024 (1 week later)
Hi. Thanks to everyone who took the time to comment on my post and gave their opinion/advice without being too harsh. I apologize if my update is messy or confusing. I’ll try to cover everything but I don’t know when to add context for clarification. If you think there’s any missing info/some parts are confusing let me know. original post
The same day I posted my dad called to check up on me and see if my sister and I had talked things out. When I told him no he said it’s better if we talk about it now and assured me that I have nothing to apologize for. If my sister thinks she has nothing to apologize for then the least she can do is make her best friend apologize or fully realize that the joke was out of line. By the way my brother and I met 4 days ago and he told me that BIL (my sister’s husband) didn’t like the way the MOH called me a screw-up in front of everyone and some of those who laughed voiced later that they did so out of nervousness.
On Monday my sister called me to talk. When I made it to her place, her best friend was on the phone and didn’t put it down for a second. My sister started by saying that just a few years ago I would have laughed hard and not taken the joke as an insult. I told her maybe some laughed because they don’t know the reason she called me a screw-up.
(For context. When I was 16 something happened and that’s why I struggled mentally really badly between 16-18. When I was 17 I was diagnosed with PTSD and later with depression and anxiety. Since then I don’t like it when someone touches my head. Especially my hair and the back of my head/neck. My sister knows everything)
During our conversation my sister did most of the talking. At some point I felt like my sister had called me just to blame me again without trying to understand my perspective. When I tried to talk she put her hand on the back of my neck and pulled me toward her with each sentence as if to say “Do you understand?” or “Okay?” I hated it and felt irritated. I honestly kept thinking if I pushes her away would I be in the wrong. Would they just call me mental and tell family I got physical. I tried to leave but she insisted that no one was leaving until we sort this out. She told her best friend to just apologize. She refused and reminded my sister that I was the reason her husband got angry at her on their wedding day because I couldn’t take a joke and when I tried to explain why (EDIT: I told her if she had focused her speech on the bride/groom then maybe he wouldn’t have had a reason to be angry. she refused to listen and brushed my words off) she said “Yeah whatever. Sorry” I was glad it was finally over and as I was about to leave I heard her say “Can’t take a joke that everyone knows is true” Both of them laughed but my sister stopped mid-laugh and apologized. I didn’t say anything and left.
I think I’ve had enough. I mean I know I’ve had a few rough years. I dropped out of college for a while, fine. But I’ve since gotten my life back on track. My parents helped me through it all and never made me feel like a burden. At first, I was on some strong meds that made me feel tired/sleepy most of the time. After a while I started to feel a little better with therapy and my family’s support. During that period it was me, my parents and my brother. My sister was three hours away for a job and used to visit sometimes and would often bring her best friend along with her. Looking back. I don’t want to say she hates me but I know she felt ashamed to have a family member struggling with mental health issues. I don’t know how to explain this.
I’ve made up my mind and decided to go NC for now. If my parents and my brother who were there when I was going through it all never made me feel that they’re ashamed of me then why would she? I’m still on some meds but feels much better than before. I have a stable job, my own place and friends who loves me for who I am. I can say I’m proud of myself a little. I love my family to death and tried to maintain a relationship with my sister all these years but I’m trying to improve myself not constantly be reminded of what I was a few years ago.
Relevant Comments:
Top Commenter: “(For context. When I was 16 something happened and that’s why I struggled mentally really badly between 16-18. When I was 17 I was diagnosed with PTSD and later with depression and anxiety. Since then I don’t like it when someone touches my head. Especially my hair and the back of my head/neck. My sister knows everything)”
"When I tried to talk she put her hand on the back of my neck and pulled me toward her with each sentence as if to say “Do you understand?” or “Okay?” "
This is more than enough imo to just go no contact. She knows about the trauma you went through and blatantly weaponized it against you, and that’s just disgusting and cruel. I’m sorry you had to deal with this op and I’m glad you are at a point in life where you can enforce your boundaries and appreciate how far You’ve come.
Future reference if you ever decide to be around or communicate with your sister I don’t think you should be alone with her. You should be able to have a third party that also knows about your past trauma and boundaries there to act as witness and a mediator if she …
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1dpjqoe/new_update_aita_for_leaving_my_sisters_wedding/
- Spacehooks@reddthat.comMEnglish1·3 months ago