Image: bingo card labeled “bad at being a person bingo”

For the sake of describing this card through a narrative, the columns from left to right will be letters A thru F, and the rows top to bottom will be numbers 1 thru 5.

Squares

1A: i don’t know wtf is going on

1B: LOOK AT ALL THE PRETTY THINGS OMG SHINY

1C: elaborate daydreams

1D: something is wrong but i don’t know what

1E: why is my backpack full of rocks and papers from a year ago

2A: puts things down; where’d it go

2B: scared of human

2C: having a body is weird wtf

2D: is suddenly really good at a particular thing for 3.2 days

2E: i’m tricking people into thinking i’m one of them

3A: am i just not trying hard enough

3B: doesn’t eat; why do i feel bad

3C: error 404 motivation not found

3D: stares at wall for an hour

3E: walks out into the snow without a winter coat

4A: “why can’t you do this?” i don’t know

4B: on second thought that was a terrible decision

4C: time goes slow and then fast

4D: walks into wall

4E: World’s Most Messy Room

5A: sorry i didn’t respond to any of your messages for six months

5B: weird sense of humor

5C: how do i tell if people like me

5D: how are other people so good at talking

5E: idk if i’m coming off as creepy all the time

Edit: I just realized that I absentmindedly relabeled the columns from BINGO to ABCDE. I like mine more anyway.

          • Wxnzxn@lemmy.ml
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            2
            ·
            edit-2
            4 months ago

            I’m currently on a waiting list for an official ASD diagnosis (takes around a year here, there is a huge lack of experts certified for adult cases), but my current psychiatrist already shares my assumption that I am autistic. I’m in my 30s, so I have three decades worth of built-up trauma from being diagnosed and treated improperly, having been in some form of psychological or psychiatric care basically since childhood.

            In hindsight, I am a bit pissed it was never discovered/considered. It’s not like I ever kept signs like my delayed speech acquisition in childhood, early reading/writing acquisition, daily meltdowns as a kid which morphed into internalised shame, shutdowns and depression/burnout with age a secret.

            What I was most fascinated by was the things I did not tick off. Like, because I got extremely good at masking and studying behaviours/“roleplaying” identities and internalising them, I am actually relatively competent in social settings/situations. They sure are exhausting though…

            Also, just a few weeks ago, when I was still in my “pushing myself too hard (because that is how you overcome depression and anxiety, right? Just do the things and learn they are safe and stuff), failing and then internalising self-hatred” - spiral, I would definitely also have had the “messy room” one and “motivation 404” one.

            • I'm back on my BS 🤪@lemmy.autism.placeOPM
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              2
              ·
              4 months ago

              I am a bit pissed it was never discovered/considered. It’s not like I ever kept signs like my delayed speech acquisition in childhood, early reading/writing acquisition, daily meltdowns as a kid which morphed into internalised shame, shutdowns and depression/burnout with age a secret.

              Yep! I’m still going thru something similar. If someone ever develops a program for newly diagnosed autistics, it’s probably going to include a grief and forgiveness section, followed by learning to develop new trust in yourself and others.

              • Wxnzxn@lemmy.ml
                link
                fedilink
                English
                arrow-up
                2
                ·
                4 months ago

                Oh, for sure, currently doing that kind of processing solo. If my experience with going through the psychotherapy and psychiatry systems for decades has given me anything, thankfully, it’s the ability to reflect and process shit.

                Good luck for you and your path in life, too. It sucks you went to similar things, but as Sartre said: “Freedom is what we do with what is done to us.” There’s always a path forward.

  • Apathy Tree@lemmy.dbzer0.com
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    5
    ·
    edit-2
    4 months ago

    If I didn’t have aphantasia I’d probably have row 1 box 3 marked as well. I get lost in thought, but it’s more logistical planning for eco transformation type stuff (how to convert parking garages into hydroponic farms and the like)

    Also messy room is whole house, and I’m doing a lot better with that, but as a kid I cleaned my room with a rake more than once.

    • Laurentide@pawb.social
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      8
      ·
      4 months ago

      Is there a rule that daydreams have to be visual? Spending lots of time thinking up extremely detailed strategies for unlikely hypothetical scenarios definitely qualifies as “elaborate daydreams”, in my opinion.

      • Apathy Tree@lemmy.dbzer0.com
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        3
        ·
        edit-2
        4 months ago

        Idk, that’s always how you hear them represented. I just assume there’s a visual component to get people “lost in thought”, cuz while I drift away, most of what I’m conscious of is how I no longer have a way to rejoin a conversation; anything I’m thinking about would require explanation, but I’m aware of what’s going on around me generally.

        Being aphantasic and not realizing it until I was… in my late 20s…? Really called a lot of things into question and I still don’t have answers for them. Like the phrase “close your eyes and picture…” I used to think it was like…metaphorical? Turns out they actually mean picture the thing in your mind.

        • Laurentide@pawb.social
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          4
          ·
          4 months ago

          I think visual daydreams are just the most common type, so that’s what people tend to describe. I don’t have aphantasia and yet I often find myself getting lost in imagined conversations with people I know, or mentally rehearsing how I would teach/explain something, or trying to optimize a build or loadout in whatever video game I’ve gotten interested in lately. None of that feels any different from a typical daydream in terms of experience; I’m just using my imagination verbally or logically instead of visually.

    • PM_ME_VINTAGE_30S [he/him]@lemmy.sdf.org
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      6
      ·
      4 months ago

      I mean it’s isomorphic to a bingo, so that’s cool.

      nerd shit

      An isomorphism is a structure-preserving reversible mapping. Pick any board configuration with a bingo and the same number of marked squares. There exists an isomorphism mapping from your board to a board configuration with a bingo. Specifically, by switching pairs of squares until you get a bingo, the record of switches you made defines an isomorphism that takes your board to a bingo board.

      Practically, this just means that you just have at least 5 squares.

  • Laurentide@pawb.social
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    5
    ·
    4 months ago

    Wow, almost a blackout. Even the ones I didn’t mark are still things that I do, just not frequently enough for them to seem unusual.

    • rockSlayer@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      3
      ·
      edit-2
      4 months ago

      I’m jealous, the ones you didn’t mark are the things that irritate me most about my autism. What’s it like not bumping into a wall every day?

      • Laurentide@pawb.social
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        3
        ·
        4 months ago

        Wall Avoidance is a nice QoL perk but it’s buggy and only fully applies to static terrain. It’s unreliable around dynamic objects like swinging doors, fails often when performing inputs rapidly, and absolutely will not work with anything that temporarily modifies the user’s hitbox. It’s also really hard to gauge the perk’s overall value without knowing which of my debuffs is the one that was applied to cover the equipping cost. I really can’t recommend unlocking it unless you’re specifically going for a DEX build, and even then you likely have many better options available.

  • Persen@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    3
    ·
    4 months ago

    On an unrelated note:4B is a perfect example of why false confidence is more important, than actual confidence. If you just loudly say"I fucked up" and make it into a joke, you can make mistakes as much as you want.

  • maryXann@lemmy.autism.place
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    3
    ·
    4 months ago

    The one thing I like the least is A2. Seriously, once I had to sleep at a friend’s house because I couldn’t find my key, which was in my pocket all along. If said friend hadn’t been there I probably would have slept outside.

    • AVincentInSpace@pawb.social
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      1
      ·
      4 months ago

      I once put my phone down to help my dad lift something, and literally not five full seconds later had to ask someone where it was.

      That one’s gonna haunt me for a while.

  • Deestan@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    3
    ·
    4 months ago

    Humans aren’t real and they can’t hurt me.

    The only reason I don’t qualify for messy room (anymore) is that I share bedroom with my spouse. Once the kids move out and I can get my own home office, I’ll probably be able to check it again.

    Pretty sure I’m not creepy. People don’t seem to avoid me or complain.

  • Eylrid@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    3
    ·
    4 months ago

    Blackout with two asterisks:

    Puts things down, where’d it go: I usually don’t do this, but only because I am very deliberate and systematic about where I put things. Similar to the sock question. (Do socks bother you? No, because I have a system)

    Walking into walls (and other stationary objects): I don’t do this much anymore, but I did quite a bit as a child.