Wearing a pointy hat and accompanying gothic garb, Alice retail grinned at Bob, a middle-aged man wearing an unbranded T-Shirt. He held out a bottle of minion-yellow liquid, while Alice stirred a bubbling pot.
“They’re the same thing.” Replied Bob.
“No they’re not!” exasperated Alice, “How could you even say such a thing? This won’t do, look at it. Look.”
She pointed at Bob’s bottle, by the caravan door.
“It’s got the colour of bat piss! I asked for liquid gold, and this is not it.”
“You asked for aqua regia, and it was not easy sneaking concentrated acid out of a lab.”
“Yes, but of what use is a component without any spirit? I can’t add this to my potions and still claim it’ll embiggen their ‘swords’, it’ll be a sham!”
“Excuse me?” Asked Bob. “Enlarge their what now? Look, I don’t care what you do after you buy it, but you need to pay me.”
Alice huffed, but opened her purse to give Bob a single dollar coin. Continuing with her work, she took a sip from the ladle ignoring Bob’s growing stare.
“Did you just drink soap? I just watched you pour five bottles of complimentary hotel bodywash into that pot-”
“Cauldron.”
“Cauldron. Whatever. Don’t you know most bath bombs are toxic? Especially when concentrated with heat.”
“Well yes, but it’s a taste test.”
“Chemistry is not cooking!”
“This isn’t chemistry. This is alchemy. And you obviously don’t know anything about it.”
She poured two drops of the aqua regia into the cauldron.
“Hey! You still haven’t paid for that.”
“I gave you precisely how much it was worth.”
“If you’re not going to pay, then I’ll be taking that bottle back.”
“I’ve already used two drops, I’ll have to use the rest, or else the potion will seize.”
She added various powders and herbs in quick succession, timing each addition to the second. The bubbles frothed black against the milky pink liquid.
“That’s fine, but I’ll need another $149. We agreed on Gumtree.”
Alice frowned as she looked into her purse again, handing Bob a hundred dollar note.
“Is there any other way I can pay? Perhaps you’re interested in some of my wares?”
Bob collapsed his palms onto his face.
“So you don’t even have the money. Why would I buy anything from your store in the first place?”
“Well, I’ve still got some leftover enlargement potion.”
“So, poison? I’d rather not get put on a list.”
“I do have video evidence that it works you know.”
Wearing a pointy hat and accompanying gothic garb, Alice retail grinned at Bob, a middle-aged man wearing an unbranded T-Shirt. He held out a bottle of minion-yellow liquid, while Alice stirred a bubbling pot.
“They’re the same thing.” Replied Bob.
“No they’re not!” exasperated Alice, “How could you even say such a thing? This won’t do, look at it. Look.”
She pointed at Bob’s bottle, by the caravan door.
“It’s got the colour of bat piss! I asked for liquid gold, and this is not it.”
“You asked for aqua regia, and it was not easy sneaking concentrated acid out of a lab.”
“Yes, but of what use is a component without any spirit? I can’t add this to my potions and still claim it’ll embiggen their ‘swords’, it’ll be a sham!”
“Excuse me?” Asked Bob. “Enlarge their what now? Look, I don’t care what you do after you buy it, but you need to pay me.”
Alice huffed, but opened her purse to give Bob a single dollar coin. Continuing with her work, she took a sip from the ladle ignoring Bob’s growing stare.
“Did you just drink soap? I just watched you pour five bottles of complimentary hotel bodywash into that pot-”
“Cauldron.”
“Cauldron. Whatever. Don’t you know most bath bombs are toxic? Especially when concentrated with heat.”
“Well yes, but it’s a taste test.”
“Chemistry is not cooking!”
“This isn’t chemistry. This is alchemy. And you obviously don’t know anything about it.”
She poured two drops of the aqua regia into the cauldron.
“Hey! You still haven’t paid for that.”
“I gave you precisely how much it was worth.”
“If you’re not going to pay, then I’ll be taking that bottle back.”
“I’ve already used two drops, I’ll have to use the rest, or else the potion will seize.”
She added various powders and herbs in quick succession, timing each addition to the second. The bubbles frothed black against the milky pink liquid.
“That’s fine, but I’ll need another $149. We agreed on Gumtree.”
Alice frowned as she looked into her purse again, handing Bob a hundred dollar note.
“Is there any other way I can pay? Perhaps you’re interested in some of my wares?”
Bob collapsed his palms onto his face.
“So you don’t even have the money. Why would I buy anything from your store in the first place?”
“Well, I’ve still got some leftover enlargement potion.”
“So, poison? I’d rather not get put on a list.”
“I do have video evidence that it works you know.”
“How even….?”
“One bottle, & we’ll call the debt settled.”
Bob paused.
“So about that video…”
Temptation strikes us all, and eventually we succumb…
Fun story!