I’m conflicted. I have a parent who’s dying. I feel the void of the parenting I was supposed to receive. They never fulfilled any of the obligations I consider appropriate. I’m a parent, now. They did none of the things I’m doing for my kids.

On some level, I know the expectation is that I should feel sad. There’s literally no realistic expectation that they’ll turn a new leaf in their 70’s and suddenly become a decent human being. Maybe there’s a 1 in a million chance, but when they die, that’s definitively 0. I want them to turn a new leaf, but I know it’s unrealistic. I get jealous (and keep it to myself) when my friends and family have their parents in their lives.

On the other hand, they are literally the worst person in my life. I’ve never had anyone treat me as badly and fail me so hard as they have. I haven’t spoken to them in years. They literally don’t understand why, because they’re a narcissist. Very “missing, missing reasons” kind of person.

So I’m conflicted. I have tons of evidence that they suck, but there’s still a part of me that craves a parent actually being there. Part of me thinks I should feel bad when anyone suffers and passes away, but another part of me is borderline relieved.

  • MataVatnik@lemmy.world
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    1 month ago

    I think you can be sad and relieved at the same time. But i don’t think there is any reason to try to feel sad. I grew up to be jaded in a lot of ways and there are a lot of situations where as people we are expected to have an emotional response but I unabashedly own up to my lack of care and don’t even try to fake it in the slightest. I somehow think that disingenuous grieving is worse than no grieving at all. And don’t feel guilty for feeling relieved either, you suffered a lot with this person in your life, and you shouldn’t keep suffering after this person is gone. Reclaim that mental space for yourself and allow yourself to breathe.