• partial_accumen@lemmy.worldEnglish
    26·
    1 month ago

    “Marry the Bible this year”

    Soooo many problems with this according to their own stupid rules. Here’s just a couple:

    • What gender is the Bible, because you keep telling us there’s only two and you’re telling EVERYONE to marry. You’re telling 50% of the population to engage in a gay marriage.
    • Okay, so one person went through with the marriage of the appropriate gender. Now you’re still telling a second person to marry the Bible. Are you now endorsing polygamous relationships and polygamy?
    • Uli@sopuli.xyzEnglish
      111·
      1 month ago

      The things I have to explain to secular people. Obviously, everyone needs their OWN Bible. And if you had gone to Sunday School, you would know that Bibles have to be sexed. The male Bibles are the ones with the little ribbon you can use as a bookmark. And don’t worry if some of the ribbon has been cut off, that just means it’s an Old Testament.

  • ryan213@lemmy.ca
    English
    211·
    1 month ago

    Have kids with the bible. Own a van full of bible kids. Buy a house in the bible suburbs.

    • whodatdair@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
      13·
      1 month ago

      Post baby Bible photos on bookface and pretend your life is better than it is. Fight with your Bible spouse in public but in hushed tones. File for Bible divorce but learn you can neither marry, nor divorce a book so you were never really married to begin with. It was just a weird ceremony you held alone in your basement surrounded by stuffed animals. 🧸

    • YurkshireLad@lemmy.caEnglish
      9·
      1 month ago

      Take the eldest bible to soccer practice, eye up other bible’s mums. Secretly hook up with another bible’s mum and……

  • madcaesar@lemmy.worldEnglish
    201·
    1 month ago

    Absolutely read the bible. All of it, from start to finish.

    Read all the insane, perverted, racists, sexist and slavery endorsing parts, then tell me you still believe this is a book written by an all powerful, all knowing and all loving God.

    • Ignotum@lemmy.worldEnglish
      6·
      1 month ago

      insane, perverted, racist, sexist AND slavery endorsing?
      That’s everything i’m looking for in a partner! I’m gonna marry that book!

    • partial_accumen@lemmy.worldEnglish
      4·
      1 month ago

      This year’s hottest Halloween costume: Sexy Bible

      Not to be confused with the even more risque costume: Slutty Bible

  • suction@lemmy.worldEnglish
    51·
    1 month ago

    Ok but why does it have to be this year? All the good convention venues in my area are fully booked.