When you walk into the room and the people in it exchange glances to one another, and then laugh, it doesn’t make you want to work here. For me, and where I live, it makes me want to move to Europe, or the U.K. and never come back. I’m treated like crap. I don’t like what I do for a living since 2017. I wish I had stood up to an abusive boss in 2017 and hired a lawyer. The guy would call me into his office during my scheduled breaks to grill me over my identity, while filming me with a camcorder he had set up on a tripod. I am literally the same person I have always been and my prints have been on file since I started my career in 2010, before becoming fully licensed in my field to have a salaried position. If that isn’t good enough, I’ve been a blood donor for Red Cross since 2009, and even have record of myself giving blood at mobile drives that were located on my university’s campus. Oh, and my former pediatrician took blood samples from me as a child. They can check my fingerprints from the early 90’s when local police enrolled my prints in the “find a child” program to prevent missing children. Anyway, I have been treated like crap since filing for divorce from my husband. I was treated better when we reconciled and were expecting baby number two. Then we split again, and I was treated like crap for filing for divorce for a second time.
Long story short, the world is really shallow and only cares about how your personal life appears. Oh, here is this woman with a math degree who is very good at math and loved her career. Oh, who is her husband and what does her marriage look like? Not good? Let’s shun her and bully her. That has been my existence since this all started. No one cares to honor my achievements and licensures. My parents celebrated more when my son was born. I’m treated like unwanted packaging that once held the prized gift inside that they were expecting on a holiday. Like some Amazon box that has been tossed to the curb after the shipment has arrived.
You’re externalizing everything. Your entire frame of reference for your life is other people doing things to you, or “making” you feel a certain way.
I’ve worked in the mental health field for a long time, and can tell you plenty of people have been through terrible trauma or live in unfortunate circumstances who are able to maintain their own independent identity and sense of self-worth, whether or not they need a bit of support in doing so.
Only you are going to be able to decide to make your life better, and that’s going to start with recognizing the work you need to do to change yourself. Complaining about everyone in your life online and then complaining about everyone online online is not working for you
Hey, I’m not following you - I just try to read all your shit. There’s a bit to process. Plus, interesting. Plus, I don’t think you can actually ‘follow’…
This post reminds me of something I once heard:
I don’t go to football games, because when they’re in the huddle, they’re talking about me.
Anyways, keep churning.
That is a lot of crap to go through. I think your math degree, licensure, and love of your career are really impressive and admirable. I’ve hated my job for years, and am finally in a 1-year transition to leave it. It takes time to get things in order, and I don’t even have kids. Are there any local women in academia groups you can access for some fellowship and/or to evaluate whether the working environment is better in other nearby universities? It sounds like a better working environment would be a big boost, and might even help a bit with personal matters, like bearing your parents’ under-recognition of your professional accomplishments. I know this doesn’t sweeten working in a bad environment that much, but the people passing their time by judging you on superficial aspects of your life are just superficial people, perhaps desperately focused on trying maintain an appearance of having their own things in order
Thank you for understanding. From about 2017 to 2020 it became quite a living hell, since I felt forced out of my career at that point. Some people have been really understanding and supportive, but that isn’t always the case. I have been trying to return to my career, hoping things will improve, once I have a contracted position again. People like my parents will still not treat me any better because of it, though, I’m sure. I have a job interview for a contracted position with salary. That job offer is for a state in the Deep South. I’m female. I’m separated. I’m in my 30’s. I don’t know how they’ll react to me if I move there. I have hundreds of relatives in the South, but I have never even met some of them, and many of them hate democrats, I’m sure. Wish me luck, right? If you see me running to an airport in Alabama with my luggage flying open, in a hurry to high tail it out of town, you’ll know it didn’t go well!
I hope the interview goes well! I’ll be rooting for you
Thanks!
