while neuotypicals tend to not tolerate my idiosyncrasies

This line made me reflect on my experiences. I think that maybe NTs do not tolerate idiosyncrasies well for two reasons. One is their well-established cultural value for conformity based on their position in their social hierarchy. So someone that isn’t in a powerful position is not supposed to break with conformity. Two, however, is that maybe they assume that we should know better. Breaking social norms can be offensive. If we are seen as mentally incapacitated, then we get a pass with breaking social norms until it becomes annoying. Nonetheless, if we are seen as being capable of understanding social norms, then we are purposely violating them, which they find offensive. The implication of breaking social norms is that we are either (a) placing ourselves on the top of the hierarchy or (b) damaging the socially agreed upon collective truth.

A possible third reason is everyone’s need for predictability. People that do not follow the standard model of social behavior are unpredictable, and that is uncomfortable to them. Meanwhile, at least for me but possibly common among neurodivergents, I do not have a good working standard model that applies to everyone. I seriously have to build a profile on every individual I meet, which is why I am a bit reserved at first. Once I have a good profile and know what to expect with an individual, I feel comfortable with them. Interestingly, someone that is unique upfront comes off as authentic to me, so I will likely find them more appealing. Conversely, if they are entirely normal at first, they seem to be following the standard model, which may hint at inauthenticity to me. Really, what I might be doing in this situation is projection. I think that if I’m behaving in accordance to normal standards, then I am masking, so someone doing the same is also masking. What may actually be happening is that they are actually authentically normal and not masking at all. 🤯