So I made this cover letter and thought it showed I’d be dedicated to their field and wanting to learn. While have experience and schooling in certain fields that may benefit their business. Then that I am really good with customers?

Though I showed my mom and grandma. My mom owns a photography business and my grandma used to do interviews for churches. My grandma said that it is absolutely amazing and perfect. While my mom simply just say don’t use it but literally won’t give any explanation into her thought process… so please can anyone let me know, would this be good to use for a job application or to take into the interview?

  • givesomefucks@lemmy.worldEnglish
    6·
    5 months ago

    That is business formal.

    You’re not writing an old timey letter which is how most think of when they think “formal”. Now a days brevity is incredibly important, especially for this. Get the important shit out fast, think of it like the clickbait headline that makes you read an article.

    Looking at it typed out tho, I’d drop the “current” out of the second paragraph, it’s not good for it to line up like that. You could switch it to “academic” to differentiate from the self studies

      • givesomefucks@lemmy.worldEnglish
        5·
        5 months ago

        Still too long.

        You can make it short and to the point hoping a human reads it. A person will never actually read that much, they’ll just scan it. They’re devoting the same amount of attention to each no matter how much you write, so zero filler is best.

        Or you go long, to try and jam in many keywords as possible if you think it has an AI filter before it gets to a human, which is a thing that happens. And often no human will ever read the cover letter in that scenario.

        I’ve known people that apply both ways to every spot. But there was also a guy that applied to where I work and got on the same interview list twice because he did it and they only noticed because the same phone number was on the list twice.

        Like, you’re talking about taking college courses in highschool (which is great!) but also means the types of jobs you’re likely applying from wont have the AI filter, so you want the short and sweet version.

        It’s a numbers game. Apply to fucking everything and understand HR is going to have a mountain to sort thru for anything remotely decent these days. For a lot of spots they’re just glancing at 100 applications and picking 10 for interviews for one spot. You want your cover letter distilled to just enough to get your resume looked at to make the cutoffs for interviews. You’re trying to have the interview before they look at your resume.

        Edit:

        Also, for asking for help on editing/writing, it’s best to copy/paste the text.

        That way someone can highlight and quote parts, with a screenshot they have to type it out and that barrier to entry might dissuade someone from chiming in with advice.

        • DaddysLittleSlut@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
          2·
          5 months ago

          Sorry I’m not very used to asking for advice and feedback but I managed to shorten it by 500ish words

          Dear Hiring Managers,

          I am interested in the position you have open, and I am open to other opportunities as well within your business. I have experience in sales, customer service, and cleaning. I have completed Ivy Tech courses in business management, advertising/marketing, and accounting. I have also studied psychology, sociology, and developmental biology on my own. I have found that those studies help to build stronger customer relationships and create trustworthy advertisements.

          Should you require any further information, please do not hesitate to contact me at …