I would consider myself an absolute failure of a father and try to understand how I could have raised a son so poorly.

Educate them, in detail, on why Tate is an absolute tosspot and how to not be blindsided by such influencers in the future.

Learn the drag tuck, son.

I would first tell him that I think he’s already better than that guy in many ways. Because I would always be there for my kids, I could explain the value of being a balanced, strong person while avoiding becoming a megalomaniacal chauvenist. The end.

I’d tell him he got his mother’s penis

Your half Australian, so you are already half way to being a criminal. The rest is up to you mate.

“You want to be a whiny loser?”

Get confused as to why I have a son in the first place. Then shove him into a meat grinder until all that’s left is his finger (or maybe his eyeball). Then burn the remains so it can’t get back up. I don’t know what it is, but it’s not human.

I’m so proud of you…