Here is the english version of my now famous “Fallait demander” ; now available as a book with other stories : Orders available here or here or here ^_^ Thanks Una from unadtranslation.…
The argument completely collapses with one thought: okay, would you be okay with me telling you everything that needs to be done, and you do it all? No? Then it isn’t 50/50 is it?
OK, I agree that management is work, but I don’t agree that it’s half the work. It’s this kind of argument that allows CEOs to be paid millions. They manage thousands of people, after all, the business responsibilities fall on them!
It’s a load of rubbish, and frankly, you know it is because if I flipped that around you would not be happy. ie: You don’t have to “own the problem” of cooking, cleaning, bills, mowing, etc. I’ll set up a roster and then you can do all the work. It’s still half the work right?
In a practical sense, for our house we work as a board of directors. Talk about the problem (Often it’s as simple as declaring what you’re doing, “I’m making X do you want some”), share ownership, help out when the other person is struggling, lean on them when you are stuggling, and share your plans. Like 80% of the problems I’ve had in who does what and when have been resolved by just sitting down and talking about it. It sucks, it’s adulting, but it’s also the only way that’s fair. Other people divvie up the work (you own cooking I own children) or spaces (you own kitchen I own garage) etc.
I think this is straying from the point frog. The issue is not “the man can wash clothes”, it’s “the woman often owns the problem of keeping the clothes clean and in the right spot”. Men tend to “help” but don’t think about the constant labor of keeping the house clean. Maybe the other way to think about it is: If one day the woman silently stopped cleaning and all the clothes end up dirty, would the man just take it in stride? I think not, I think there would be a silent argument.
The argument completely collapses with one thought: okay, would you be okay with me telling you everything that needs to be done, and you do it all? No? Then it isn’t 50/50 is it?
OK, I agree that management is work, but I don’t agree that it’s half the work. It’s this kind of argument that allows CEOs to be paid millions. They manage thousands of people, after all, the business responsibilities fall on them!
It’s a load of rubbish, and frankly, you know it is because if I flipped that around you would not be happy. ie: You don’t have to “own the problem” of cooking, cleaning, bills, mowing, etc. I’ll set up a roster and then you can do all the work. It’s still half the work right?
In a practical sense, for our house we work as a board of directors. Talk about the problem (Often it’s as simple as declaring what you’re doing, “I’m making X do you want some”), share ownership, help out when the other person is struggling, lean on them when you are stuggling, and share your plans. Like 80% of the problems I’ve had in who does what and when have been resolved by just sitting down and talking about it. It sucks, it’s adulting, but it’s also the only way that’s fair. Other people divvie up the work (you own cooking I own children) or spaces (you own kitchen I own garage) etc.
They don’t want to do 100% and that means they aren’t doing 50%? what?
Did you read the post?
“50% of the work is in figuring out what to do, the mental load”
What do you think happens if the woman doesn’t do the dishes and doesn’t wash the clothes?
The man will start eating off the bare table and walk around naked?
The man will recognize the issue when it becomes one.
I think this is straying from the point frog. The issue is not “the man can wash clothes”, it’s “the woman often owns the problem of keeping the clothes clean and in the right spot”. Men tend to “help” but don’t think about the constant labor of keeping the house clean. Maybe the other way to think about it is: If one day the woman silently stopped cleaning and all the clothes end up dirty, would the man just take it in stride? I think not, I think there would be a silent argument.