I’m really loving the vibe here on Beehaw. Documents like What is Beehaw? | Beehaw Docs demonstrate a transparent dedication to tolerance and kind community building that IMO sets a gold standard.
While nothing is certain, Beehaw is restoring some of my hope that a “by the community, for the community”, healthy, happy, federated space is something that can be built and might even be sustainable.
On the other hand, as I see the wider Lemmy experiment continue, I have almost zero hope that something like Beehaw can exist that embraces the richness of human sexuality, which is my round about way of saying, good old-fashioned pornography.
The value of pornography
This might be a divisive position, but I think porn, on the whole, is a good thing. Healthy, happy, consensual expressions of human sexuality in all its gooey glory are, in my opinion, not only joyous but essential to the wellbeing of those of us who like to get our rocks-off in one way or the other.
This isn’t to ignore the problems of pornography as it is on the internet today, or how it’s been in the past. As with all aspects of human expression, it can become a medium for hate, or misused, or be created via exploitation and cruelty. I think there’s a lot of interesting discussion to have about the effect of hardcore pornography “normalising” what charitably should only be considered “stunt sex”, and that’s a softball compared to the more difficult questions.
But, despite this, I believe that it’s possible, if not always easy, to find and enjoy ethical pornography in a way that ultimately healthy and beneficial to all involved.
The growing puritanical anti-porn blob
So as a lover of porn, it’s hard not to be a little scared about the way the internet is changing. While in the past, this might have been driven by anti-sex puritans of various ilk, this new threat seems more insidious because it’s not so much a movement of dogmatic individuals. Instead, it appears to be an emergent trend that comes from tech addiction to advertising, and well-meaning but oppressive regulation.
The result is ever fewer places for porn. Reddit is one of the few community-driven sites that still allows porn, and it’s clear with the recent changes, that the writing is on the wall for porn on reddit in the long term.
As for replacements in this new brave federated universe, well, in the beehaw docs it discusses the reasoning for avoiding NSFW spaces on beehaw and yeah, can’t really argue with the logic. It seems like a nightmare. Even if it made sense to integrate that content here, which I’m not certain that it does, it seems an impossible task for the beehaw admins to tackle.
lemmynsfw.com, which is obviously trying to fill the niche, is already struggling with these very problems. It’s clear I think that it’ll be impractical for them to keep up with the moderation requirements in a way that’s even ethical, let alone one that embraces the full diversity and creativity of human sexuality. There are real concerns of ending up in prison just for running the thing, and who’d sign up for that.
What about the big boys?
OK, I’ll admit, there’s still plenty of porn on the internet. It’s arguably easier to access than ever, with behemoths like Pornhub almost becoming mainstream.
But even with Pornhub trying to be your friendly local smut merchant, there’s still something hostile and repressive in these offerings. There’s not the sense of community, with the intentional creation of non-exploitative, diverse and loving spaces, like what Beehaw is attempting with SFW content. There’s no sense of liberal expression of joyous and shameless sexuality.
I’ll admit I might be overselling the vibe of the smutty communities that have come in the past, but it still feels to me as if these “replacements” are cold, shameful and harmful compared to the various dead spaces of the past.
Who cares?
You might not care much for porn, or maybe you’re happy with your smut. It’s just porn, it’s not a big deal.
I’d disagree, though. Tumblr at its height was a haven for LGBTQ+ sexual expression. It gave people a way to express their sexuality in a way that wasn’t just safe-for-tv; holding hands and pecks on the cheek. It was a chance at accessing the same joy of sexual expression that was available exclusively (for the most part) to straight, cis men.
(I’m riffing on What Happened to Tumblr: Why Adult Content Mattered | Video Essay - YouTube here, which is a much more eloquent take on the subject)
Even outside sexual orientation, it’s hard not to internalise the new attitude to pornography. Shame about one’s sexuality is hard to avoid, compounded by the clear messaging that sexuality isn’t healthy or welcome. Even more so if one’s tastes deviate from the “mainstream”, which doesn’t necessarily mean scat and clown porn. Good luck avoiding incest in your porn, or maybe you want something more gentle than is usually on offer. Not all kinks are scary, or even kinks! Although that’s not to say that one should be shamed for a consensual ethical kink that is not to everyone’s taste either!
Sex is meant to be fun, and creativity is part of that. We humans are ever innovating on exciting new ways to use the old hardware, and that could be a force for good. The death of these more liberated communities also means death for that creativity, and we’ll be left with the same tired old fauxcest scenarios where everyone looks and acts the same.
Censorship bad?
I’m no free-speech absolutist. I think Beehaw’s explicit attitude to moderation and building a kind community is refreshing.
Without getting dark, there are some things that almost everyone would agree require moderation and enforcement. People might have that line in a different place, but the number of people who genuinely believe that anything should be allowed online are in a minority.
But, where we are now, there’s no safe way to find that line. The safe option for providers, community or commercial, is to turn it all off. The result, I believe, is we all lose out.
And for the really bad shit? That’ll still be there, hidden from view, and if Pornhub isn’t pushing your buttons, and you look elsewhere for your diversity, you risk ending up in the same pool as that stuff.
So what’s to be done?
Damned if I know. I mostly wanted to put voice to something that’s been bringing me down for a while. It’s sad. I can’t help but feel like I’m being closeted for a fundamental part of who I am, but equally, I don’t really feel I have a right to complain either.
Decentralised link aggregation might be a thing someday. Aether is a decentralised thing that, while only holding text, is a peer-to-peer option that might decentralise the risk. On the other hand, there’s the risk you end up in the same pool as some really bad folk, and good luck explaining Aether’s, albeit quite interesting, approach to decentralised moderation to the cops. Or maybe you want to put your trust in a community, as we do with Beehaw, to build a consensus on the kind of space we’d like to build together.
So share your thoughts, your pain and your joy! Although keep it safe for beehaw please! I don’t want to cause the lovely mods any trouble!
Hey, I respect your opinion even if I don’t find most porn interesting in the slightest.
But even if you were someone who really enjoys porn of the loving, consensual expression kind, can you really handle it 24/7 being mixed in with normal discussion? At least speaking from the perspective of male physiology, yeah guys get horny but most generally have a recharge time after they finish where there’s no interest or even an aversion to sex. This is to say, it’s normal for any person (regardless of sexuality) to be in the mood for sexy stuff sometimes while at other times it puts them off.
So ultimately my question is: Do we really want porn on spaces where people aren’t specifically looking for it?
My opinion is no, it should be regulated to it’s own space, even if I’m not against pornographic content like what you described existing publicly in the first place.
It’s a fair point. In the past, I’d have enthusiastically said yes, aside from not wanting to make people around me uncomfortable if they can see over my shoulder. I’ve always liked the idea of sex being normalised and part of our everyday experience, rather than something that we keep hidden away. I find sex fun and exciting, even if I’m not horny. Further, when I was a naive younger person, and maybe my neurodiversity didn’t help either, I struggled to really understand how people would be potentially upset, disgusted or shocked by pictures of consensual acts between people, let alone drawings. “Why is this thing different to a picture of people hugging, apart from all the extra goo?”.
Now this was clearly naive of me, and as I’ve hopefully grown since then, I’ve tried to understand more diverse viewpoints and can better understand for some people, it might be annoying, unpleasant or outright traumatising to see this stuff out of their preferred context, or worse, have it sprung on them without wanting it at all.
I guess in an ideal world, we’d get to decide for ourselves. If I lived in that world, I’d probably still mix in that spice with my non-sexual content, safe in the knowledge that no one would be harmed, but that’s not the world we live in. My partner doesn’t mind if I enjoy porn, but I also know they can find it challenging to be confronted with my enjoyment of it, and ultimately, I want them to be happy, so in practice I avoid shoving it in their face. It makes me feel shameful and conflicted, but wanting other people to be happy, safe and comfortable is more important.
So while to me, my interest in sex and porn is not all that different from the joy I find in music, and I want to share and indulge in it no differently, I know that me getting that, would mean other people being hurt. Likewise, pragmatically, if Beehaw decided to be open up to that sort of content, I’d worry that people that feel differently than me would feel excluded from the space as a result, or that Beehaw itself would be compromised by the complications of moderating that content. For those reasons, I’d not want it mixed in here, certainly with the limited feature-set of lemmy making a more nuanced cohabitation strategy impossible, even if there was a conceptual way to make it work.
But all that being said, there is a sense of otherness that goes along with being the kind of person who would prefer to, I guess, wear their sexuality in a more open way, and there’s a sense that the prevailing direction is to hide and close the more open sexual communities, which as I say can lead to feelings of shame and invalidation.