• slazer2au@lemmy.world
    4·
    1 year ago

    On mobile, please be gentle.

    Excerpt from journal 1993.

    12th August -
    John called again, he had another incident he wanted my help on. How does he find this stuff, I get being a pastor means he has the trust of his community but this is something else.
    The residents looks like a 70s council estate, large multi story concrete slab of a building with gang tags on every flat surface. When I get to the room I see all the usual “anti entity” signs, crosses on all the walls, curtins drawn closed, a bowel of what I assume is “holy water” blessed by John.

    I ask John to get rid of it all while I grab a chair from the dining table.
    When I returned with the chair i asked everyone to leave the room while I work on the entity, the family protests as always but John is getting good at persuading the family to leave, I should get some tips on that.
    I place my chair against the eastern wall, somehow they seem more receptive when I am east of them. Another thing I need to ask John about, the significants of east to them.

    ‘Good morning mate’ I say, ‘how would you like to be referred to?’
    It, well he, just stares in my direction not at me, focusing on a point behind my head. ‘I am Steven, and I will be your negotiator today.’ ‘Don’t you mean exorcist?’ It asked in a gravely voice…
    ‘No, I have come to realise crosses and holy water annoy you more then anything. They don’t cause you any harm.’ ‘Oh, well you are the first mortal I have come across to think that.’ ‘you pick up on things like that after 20 years, but we are getting sidetracked. What can I offer you to release the kid from your control?’ I ask knowing full well a return to the war in heaven against Michael is what they all start with. ‘More vessels so I may overthrow Michael’.
    ‘Why is that always your first demand? Seriously be a bit more creative.’
    ‘What? That is the only thing I desire.’ ‘I get that, but seeing as you have been in the raging infernos of hell for the past 50 thousand years surely you want something cooler to start with?’ ‘You know nothing of the raging fires, the hopeless mess of the condemned. Michael must pay for what he did to us.’

    Oh great, it going to be one of those negotiations.

    End excerpt

    • ComicalMayhem@lemmy.worldOP
      3·
      1 year ago

      Interesting start! I see you labeled it as an excerpt, is this part of a larger work or is that part of the story itself? Wouldn’t mind reading more of this! I liked the religious themes presented, specifically the whole war against Michael thing (the arch angle, right?). I think you did a good job dropping lore and world building without making it feel forced or rushed, and blended it really nicely into the story (the world itself is also super interesting too!) However, it ended rather suddenly and without resolution, at the very least I’d like to see how the negotiations play out; the way it just ends like that leaves me with an empty feeling.

      Thanks for writing something up! I really did enjoy reading it.