cross-posted from: https://lemmynsfw.com/post/178038
Hear me out. First, I know sex isn’t everything and I know that hooking up and getting laid isn’t going to solve deeper needs and insecurities that I am working on.
That said, I’m also getting out of a long and bad relationship that has left me feeling like I missed so many experiences and opportunities in what ultimately were the final years of my 20s.
I never really properly figured out dating or hooking up. Even though it’s not literally true, I feel like the only person I’ve been with is someone where we skipped straight to “serious long term relationship” which not only contributed to why we didn’t work out, but also kind of stunted my development when it comes to romance and sex.
So now I’m trying to take a step back and just kind of loosen up and have fun in a way I feel I never have before. I do want to develop real connections and long term relationships, but I also want a bit of time away from that first.
Only problem is, I have no clue how and I do feel just a bit old for it. I’m on Tinder and frankly it just feels like nobody is interested.
I did a very similar thing for very similar reasons at a very similar age. It was hard for sure to break the cycle of dating -> breakup -> dating again.
My best advice is genuinely that I had no fun on Tinder etc. Everything clicked when I stopped looking for people and started just going out with friends: scrubbed up and put together, available but not pursuing particularly, generally talkable to without being a creep.
You are right that hooking up and getting laid won’t solve your needs, but it is fun. I say get some therapy (always helps me massively) and be chill. Paradoxically that approach of not looking and not caring gave more success than anything else for me.
The other thing is to let go of that “I really like this person and need to solidify this connection into a long term relationship” instinct. You can feel that love and care and respect whilst keeping things relatively casual. Even on a one-night thing, it can be nice to do some slightly date-y things but with no expectation of it being more. Like going to get coffee or brunch the next morning.
Finally also if you’re into kink, munches and events can give a really good place to make friends and explore that particular world.
Good luck :)