I’ll start. They’ll say:

• that they “listened to the community” (no, they didn’t)
• that they never had the “intention” to kill third party apps (bullshit);
• at least three hard-to-prove claims, and at least three blatant lies, including the above;
• if spez is the one announcing it: something with the expressions “we snoos”, “we stand together!” and “we’re deeply [insert emotion]”, trying to pretend that they relate to the userbase;
• corporate buzzwords trying to prove that green is purple;
• something like “it was our right to do it” (technically true), followed by a condescending bullshit like “we graciously reverted it. Nooo, not for the sake of our own pockets, but for the community”.

Obviously they’ll say that it was the “communities opinion” that forced their hand (no it didn’t, only thing that forced them was the blackout and mass deletions), and how they “respect the community” when they only respect their wallet. Also probably asking all those who nuked their accounts to come back (we aren’t)