CENTRAL ISLIP, NY – A 23-count superseding indictment was filed today in the United States District Court for the Eastern District of New York, charging George Anthony Devolder Santos, better known as “George Santos,” the United States Representative for the Third District of New York, with one count of conspiracy to commit offenses against the United States, two counts of wire fraud, two counts of making materially false statements to the Federal Election Commission (FEC), two counts of falsifying records submitted to obstruct the FEC, two counts of aggravated identity theft, and one count of access device fraud.
This man literally killed Hitler and Stalin with his bare hands, and then fucked a supermodel so hard she got double pregnant with triplets. He delivered all 8 babies himself after only a week gestation because George Santos’s sperm are so fast.
This man has won 118 gold medals in sports he himself invented.
I would call him a saint but that would make Jesus Christ jealous.
Chuck Norris looks at George Santos’s platonic ideal of a body and spontaneously orgasms. It’s so powerful that we mere mortals can only look upon a puppet, which is still so attractive that he has to be censored in middle Eastern countries.
I think this might not be a selling point for the target audience
Hitler can’t be all bad.
The man did kill Hitler, after all.
On the other hand, he’s a gay Republican and they’re apparently cool with that. Unlike with every other LGBT+ person.
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