Next weeks headline is going to be him in a hospital bed recovering from bird flu that somehow required him getting another surgery on his gut

indigenous to the suburbs of Philadelphia (do not ask about which Philadelphia)

Boat power does not mean the same thing it did 70 years ago

The title of this post will be used against you as evidence in court when you are on trial for hate speech toward Siri for saying “fuck you you stupid robot I’m just laying on my side, not trying to get reddit answers but worse”

do no put your vehicle in direct sunlight

Elon Musk is REALLY leaning into that Las Vegas “trains but stupider” tunnel idea

Where? I want to live in a place that does not result in the human body sweating

sweats in clothes, wears them once, washes them

sweats in clothes, wipes clothes sweat and dirt on couch, uses them for a month

no thanks, I’d rather stand anyway

Ok that’s a bit much, I just mean if you’re like out sweating or just did a whole shift etc I’d prefer you use a chair

This is actually one of the funniest ways that I’ve ever seen somebody demonstrate how genuinely fake of a candidate Guaido was and how deeply he was just a puppet of the west lmao. Like is there some sort of sizable Venezuelan grassroots interest of note that supports pro-Saudi military proxies against Iranian proxies which defies the government stance on the matter and is thus worth mentioning? Like actually I’m cracking up at how funny the implications are of adding that caveat on the Wikipedia page.

“I stand before you today speaking on behalf of all Venezuelan people, and as we all know, the Venezuelan people have given unwavering support to–

checks smudged writing on hand

The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and their proxy war allies fighting bravely against Iranian interests and aligned parties in the Middle East!”

Weird to just be assuming that people are white lmao

but anyway if im alone on that one, maybe I shouldn’t be. So be honest, when was the last time you washed your couch cushions and pillow cases? Grimy mf 💀

RISHI NO!!!

The metric I use for the couch/cushions is like this:

If I took off the clothes on my body right now, would I put them into the hamper or are they still clean enough to wear again? If they’d go in the hamper, I’m not sitting on the couch with them.

The metric I use for the bed is much more strict:

Unless they are clothes I just took out of the drawers/closet, they don’t go in/on the bed.

When was the last time you washed your couch cushions?

Also

NOOOOOOO YOURE NOT MY FRIEND IF YOU DONT LET ME PUT MY SWEATY HOT BODY AND CLOTHES ALL OVER YOUR EXTREMELY DIFFUCILT TO WASH UPHOLSTERY

I know his polling is terrible but I hope he realizes that he can just resign instead

Shoes in the house is so fucking nasty actually. And outside clothes on the couch/bed

Muad’Dib

This has to be the worst 12 months of press any company has gotten since Subway and Jared right?

The only thing I’ve ever noticed on a classroom wall is this

They are already talking about that

But don’t forget the slave labor!

We need to shut down Europe until we figure out what the hell is going on