You don’t need to pay anyone to get it inspected, at least in the UK. I inspected my own house with a few mates who are in trades. Cost me the price of a few beers.

How did you get into my private elevator? SECURITY!

We are all above him.

Kill List was over-rated. Sightseers was excellent.

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Do you have functioning eyes?

Why did the blind man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.

The Terror is marvelous. If you’re thinking of buying Paul Tremblay’s short story collection, don’t. It’s dire from start to finish, full of half-thought stories and stories that seem to have no point.

That’s simply not true. If it was, the whole of Northern Ireland would be struck down with kidney stones. Tea is not great for you if you have them, but it doesn’t cause them in everyone.

I have about 4 pints / 2ish litres each day, so I reckon I’m placed high on that list.

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Snoop Dogg said he got 45k for a billion streams.

1. the balls are attached to the people, so you can’t really miss them if they’re naked whilst changing or in a shower. 2) I don’t have my own personal changing room, so other men will be there. 3) what?

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

No. I use changing rooms regularly and see the balls of various men. Some younger than me have saggy balls and some older have tight balls. I don’t think ball sagging can be linked to age so rigidly sufficient that you could guess the age with any accuracy.

When people say ‘like’ constantly between sentences or sentence fragments or before every adjective.

There are about 20 supervolcanoes on earth which each have the capacity to kill billions should they erupt.

I rescued an injured bird (a collared dove) with a broken wing and took him to a bird sanctuary about 40 miles away. So 10, clearly.

Absolute Balderdash. The funniest of all board games.