If you don’t mind me asking, did this all work out for you? Winding road or fairly easy?

I don’t mind at all. For me, it’s definitely been a more winding road, complicated by things outside of my control and really childhood trauma (not a path that I particularly recommend, given the choice) but, now in my mid-30s, I’d not change it much, even if it were possible. My teens and early twenties weren’t great but looking back, it was primarily due to a lack of maturity, knowledge, and experience. It wasn’t easy but, I did get to know myself better and crossed paths with a woman who has become a better partner to me than I thought possible.

We all have different paths, easier or harder at different times. If I knew some of the things that I do now, certainly, it would have been easier.

Probably meet a “one” by 22, 23 and marry a few years later. Yeah that sounds like a great plan. And then reality hit, including a pandemic. Long story short, I’m not sure if I want kids and can’t fathom all the work that comes with that but I’m also not closing the door on it.

Sure, early twenties may be a good age for some lifelong relationships but, it really is still young adulthood, with a lot of growing and self-discovery yet to come. For some, growing together with a partner is a great experience, for some, they grow apart, and others are better exploring solo.

And don’t let any of that garbage about a woman’s “value” after 30 or 35 plant itself in your mind (or pull it out by the roots of it made its way there). None of that is based on real biological science, but rather bunk from the 19th century. Biologically, someone with a uterus is generally able to conceive until menopause (usually about mid-40s), if they don’t have physiological limitations, and even then, there are options for people who want children but are unable to conceive themselves.

Despite what many social pressures try to convince you, you don’t have to rush into parenthood. Your ovaries don’t become dried-out husks nor does a woman become untouchable at the stroke of midnight on their 30th birthday. If you’re not yet sure if you want kids, it’s probably a safe bet that you’re not yet ready, if you ever will be. You’re a human being and have more value and worth than your ability to have children.

8 billion humans yet the ones I’ve tried loving were either emotionally unavailable, looking for something different, or a narcissist (most recent and hurt the most even after all the other boys). It almost makes me wonder if I’m incompatible with a relationship.

Oh my! Yes. I get you entirely on that and I’ve been in a similar place, myself. Narcissists can really cut deep and leave people with a lot of self-doubt and wounded self-esteem. It’s important to remember that the hurt that they cause is because of their illness and not your fault. If you’re still reeling a bit, it could be a good time to focus on self-care.

Sure. Maybe you are the sort of person that relationships don’t work for but, I’d suggest that it sounds more like you’re still hurt. I think that you’d be much happier in both the short and long-term, and be a better partner in a future relationship (should you choose to pursue one) if you take some time to yourself to figure out more of what you want and what makes you, as an individual, happy and content.

Honestly, the thing that helped me find a solid long-term relationship was to stop looking for one and focus on my own growth. If you are happy and confident with yourself, you’ll be less likely to find yourself in toxic relationships or existential crises.