I’ve posted here a lot about my mental health, I lost basically everything, I have no one I can talk to, my car is wrecked, I have less than 100 bucks in my bank account, while I have housing their are problems that make it not the best. I have 1k in debt.

In terms of my housing, I lived with some members a activist group for a bit, but they got too extreme the the point where they think me wanting to pay of my debt, save up for a car is individualist and me wanting to go college is carrierist.

Another thing is I’m an unattractive trans fem, que transphobia, I know y’all are gonna laugh like hell when I blow my brains out, some of y’all might be like THIS IS THE Consequences OF GENDER IDEOLOGY.

I just really don’t see a way forward at all, I felt like there isn’t much for me in this world anymore. Everytime I call a suicide hotline I get the dumbest most braindead advice like do an activity I enjoy as if that changes any of the material conditions of my life.

My plan is to have a dead switch, so when I do die 911 is called to help avoid any unnecessary trauma. It’s crazy to think 22 years ends like this.

  • PugJesus@lemmy.worldEnglish
    27·
    3 months ago

    I… don’t know if this is any help at fucking all. But I tried to commit suicide at 23. Felt much the same, about having nothing; thousands in debt, shite housing situation, no car, no income, no degree, felt like I had no future, the works.

    I regret it. The suicide attempt. Not because I lived, but because my own perspective restricted me from seeing how my material conditions could be overcome. Mental and social conditions are still pretty fucked. Not by “HURR HURR PULL YOURSELF UP BY YOUR BOOTSTRAPS”, but by simply… abandoning the norms I had internalized from youth. Spoke to government services for assistance. Didn’t pay my debts on time, but when I could. Accepted that I wasn’t gonna be able to 100% it on my own.

    I don’t know if it’s viable for you. But… the mindset I emerged with from my suicide attempt was “Fuck it, suicide is the method of last resort. I might as well try literally everything else first.” It’s… helped. And I don’t think the lasting injuries, PTSD, and intensified anxiety from the suicide attempt were a necessary ingredient in the revelation.