I’ve posted here a lot about my mental health, I lost basically everything, I have no one I can talk to, my car is wrecked, I have less than 100 bucks in my bank account, while I have housing their are problems that make it not the best. I have 1k in debt.
In terms of my housing, I lived with some members a activist group for a bit, but they got too extreme the the point where they think me wanting to pay of my debt, save up for a car is individualist and me wanting to go college is carrierist.
Another thing is I’m an unattractive trans fem, que transphobia, I know y’all are gonna laugh like hell when I blow my brains out, some of y’all might be like THIS IS THE Consequences OF GENDER IDEOLOGY.
I just really don’t see a way forward at all, I felt like there isn’t much for me in this world anymore. Everytime I call a suicide hotline I get the dumbest most braindead advice like do an activity I enjoy as if that changes any of the material conditions of my life.
My plan is to have a dead switch, so when I do die 911 is called to help avoid any unnecessary trauma. It’s crazy to think 22 years ends like this.
No chintzy words are going to change how you feel. All that you’re going through? It’s a struggle. It’s very real. I get not wanting to keep going.
The only thing I’ll ask of you is, when you’re at that end, when you’re ready to pull that trigger, just pause. 10 minutes. If you can find someone to talk to, or something to do, even better. Just give it 10 more minutes. Enjoy a last cigarette if you smoke. Hell, maybe try one if you don’t. You’ve lasted 22 years, what’s 10 more minutes, right?
If you want to talk, seriously from the bottom of my heart - hit me up. I don’t have pretty words for you to swallow. I don’t think you need pretty words. I think you need real, human connection, and I can promise that to you.