You have been duped, Comrade.

Toilet-paper is a tool for bourgeois class warfare. Humans have been air-drying for millennia. Only when technology allowed for a steady supply of toilet-paper did the bourgeois put it in every rest room in order to reduce air-drying time and increase “productivity” in the factories. To further discipline the working class they removed the bide completely, so the only option was to smear it around with the paper and walk around with a stinky doo doo ass. This resulted in many workers moving the rest room breaks to the home, further increasing their productivity in the factories (this also lead to a higher work load for the women that have to clean them). However, In Japan, the working class organized and successfully repelled the implementation of this new technology. The Japanese bourgeois responded by investing even more capital into the tools of production and the high tech toilets, for which they’re known for today, was born. With an integrated bide and dryer function, this further standardized the rest room break time and regained more productivity and a higher exploitation rate of the Japanese working class.

Remember: Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that’s why a poop on company time.

Unless you have the dryer attachment

Given the amount of beer he drank I highly doubt this.

Jenny von Westphalen at open mic night:

It’s called “das Bierabfallloch“