I think there’s a couple of different things to think about, that might help:

• Loving, forgiving, and accepting your past self for their actions - whether you did something bad, cringeworthy, or something you’ve regretted in a relationship, you’re a person doing the best with the tools you had available.

• Recognizing that the positive emotions you remember are the way that you-at-the-time felt, not the way you-in-the-present feels.

• Acknowledging that you’re thinking these thoughts, but choosing not to pursue them. There’s nothing unhealthy about a wistful memory popping into your head, but it’s maybe unhealthy to pull up their fb and check on them, or otherwise extend it. There’s nothing wrong with thinking “Yup, I’m thinking that, but I’m choosing not to pursue it”.

• Understanding that how you feel now is temporary, not permanent.

It takes time to heal from things, but that’s ok too! Best of luck!

Mid-30s, two kids, ended a 13-year relationship last year. Still going through the divorce process.

I see myself as a speck of dust in the universe. I am not special. The ‘machine’ will keep running with or without me. My control over events is limited.

It’s not all doom and gloom, though. There are two things that I can control to some degree:

• How I choose to react to external events
• How I choose to spend my time

I start the day with a list of things to get done (make bed, clean litter box, dishes, run X miles, play game with kids after school, etc), and I just stick to it. My ‘mission’ for the day is to complete every single item on the list no matter how I feel. Each task can be part of a longer-term goal, such as learning a new skill or getting fitter.

When I feel down, I ask myself why I’m feeling such a way and I try to pin down the source of distress (usually a memory). Then, I pick an ‘easy’ item on my list and I get it done. I avoid looking stuff up on the Internet or overthinking. I just get the task done. If I’m still feeling bleak after, I pick another task.

I hope this helps.

I was in a very troubled relationship for 7 years before I got with my now gf. It was violent, nasty, abusive and we both went through a hell. We broke up and I spent a year alone before I got into my current relationship. At times I thought my world ended but eventually I started feeling as if my new life was just starting. I am still figuring things out about myself and my previous relationship. It takes a lot of time to heal and to move on. But eventually you will. My current relationship is a million times better. It helps me heal. It gives me new perspectives on life.

It’s okay to be confused or feel bad from time to time. It’s part of the process. Be alone if you need to. Be happy with your current partner. You went through a lot and you can take all the time you need to recover and move on.

I’m trying to rationalize the end of my last (and only) relationship as a death of us both. She’s no longer here, and the me she’s loved had also died. It’s not perfect, the memories still haunt me, she’s still in my dreams, I truly loved her. But she’s gone, I can’t return to it even if I’ve wanted. It helps with acceptance, but she’ll always be a part of me and I’ll have to live with that. Like if I’m widowed.

y’all living with someone?

You will always have memories. Why wouldn’t you? You remember your ancestors, even the ones you didn’t meet but have pictures and stories about. You’ll always remember everyone that mattered to you. Dialectically, you are composed of your relationships. You are nothing but your relationships to everything and everyone else.

How do you exist after this? Experience it fully. That’s what it is to be human. Grieve the loss. Get angry at the betrayals and slights and oppressions. Find comfort in the acceptances and the kindness. Learn from the experiences. Be more fully human and more fully you.

It is a very cliché answer and one that no one wants to hear, but truly the only answer is time. Keep living your life, get rid of all traces of that person, do not do things that will trigger memories, and simply treat yourself well and with the kindness you deserve.

There are some burdens that we will forever carry, or will carry for a very long time. The emotions will fade I assure you, but there are some things that you will never truly be able to get rid of or forget.

You can do it mate. We’re here for you if you need a helping hand.

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Relate. Idk i just kind of am on Autopilot chugging along fighting to live trying to enjoy the small moments because what else am I gonna do while I’m here. Making a coerced choice is no fun but only if you allow yourself to perceive it like that. Sorry this probably isn’t the brightest interpretation I’m in the same boat.

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