Ripped from Reddit via u/cherrimsunshine – I am not the OP
I’m asking for perspective because I’m curious what other people’s experiences are in this.
My partner of 5 years basically doesn’t know anything about how menstruation works or birth control for that matter. He basically just knows I get my period at the same time every month and sometimes it’s rough. When we first started dating I let him know I was on birth control and he got offended because he didn’t realize that I, like many others, used it for acne / hormone control. He thought I was just hooking up with a bunch of guys I guess. Which either way, not a good reaction, but his ignorance was shocking to me.
On the other hand, around the time I got my first period, my dad actually taught me how menstruation works. My mom said he knew more than she did actually. He knew all about the cycles and ovulation, etc. I didn’t realize how rare it was for a man to know this at the time.
Anyways I just had to explain to my boyfriend something about how birth control works and wondered if anyone has a partner (I’m saying male partner because women are more likely to have an understanding) that has made an effort to understand how menstruation and / or birth control works. It’s like every time I bring up something about my period or my birth control he’s learning something for the first time. I guess it’d just be nice if he cared to learn since it is a big part of my life and we’ve been together for 5 years now. I kind of envy people whose partners keep up with their cycle. My boyfriend doesn’t care to know because it doesn’t immediately affect him but considering we both definitely don’t want kids, you would think he’d care to at least understand the processes that keep my womb child-free?
Also just for laughs, one time I told my boyfriend I had an appointment with my ob-gyn and he asked me why men don’t have special doctors for their dicks. I was like uhh…because we…have full reproductive systems in our bodies…? Lmfao.
TLDR: My boyfriend doesn’t know anything about menstruation or birth control. Do your partners know / care to learn about the processes?
(from a male perspective) – not just individual understanding, but this should be a basic part of biology education – this is an everyday fact of life for half of the world’s population, not some obscure piece of esoterica – it is this sidelining, gaslighting, and willful ignorance that is responsible for so much (easily) preventable suffering
I agree. I hate that the US in particular is terrible at teaching anatomy and biology when it relates to what they think is “sexual.” A cycle happens whether you’re sexual or not. And don’t even get me started on the lack of sex education.
I talk about my cycle so much that any men I’m with are going to learn eventually. I even make my guy friends hear about it.
I’m sure this varies with age, and some younger men may be more immature or resistant at first and I wouldn’t consider it a huge red flag unless they were stubborn about it. But I would keep an eye out for other symptoms of toxic masculinity/misogyny at play and start a conversation.
But I’m in my 30s now and if a man is in their 30s and can’t follow conversations about menstruation, that’s a no-go for me. It would reveal a willful ignorance that I wouldn’t be able to abide.
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Haha I totally agree. If you’re 30+ and you still get freaked out about a woman’s cycle, you’re probably not my type of person to be hanging out with. I work with all dudes, literally the only girl in the field across 3 locations, they all get to hear about it when I feel like I’m dying. Thankfully nobody gets weird about it.
My personal opinion is, if you’re participating in an act, any act be it sexual or not, you should be as informed as you’re able to before participating. Especially when it can have high consequences like STDs and pregnancy.
I am a man and I believe yes men should understand menstruation and birth control. Its something humans do and you should have a basic general knowledge of how/why it happens. Also vice-versa, women should understand how/why erections work or don’t work. In general we should just be better at understanding each other.
It seems strange to me that someone would not want to understand something which affects their SO’s life so inherently.
Idk, honestly I don’t understand it when people don’t want to learn about this type of thing. Learning what people who aren’t me experience really just adds to the breadth of my own life experience and helps me understand others. I wouldn’t say it’s selfish not to want to know, but it just shows a lack of interest, and I’d prefer a partner that is interested in how I experience my life just as I am in theirs.
As for my experience, I’ve been with my partner for 9 years and he has made an effort and seems genuinely curious (until I talk his ear off and he wants to move onto something else haha). He knows a lot and asks questions when he doesn’t.
I mean it’s basic human physiology, like digestion or breathing, so yeah. I’d be concerned if he’s weird about it or disinterested. Especially bc we have two daughters.
Men do have special doctor for their dick, a urologist.
I think your boyfriend is just ignorant and unwilling to learn.
my partner literally keeps track of my cycle better than I do, so he warns me it’s upcoming. he understands the complications that make birth control not an option, and provides condoms even though it’s difficult for him to find comfortable ones. he’s less troubled by the general mess of a period than I am.
even my brother, who has done his best to remain uneducated about such things, has a general understanding. he might not know exactly how birth control works, but he knows it doesn’t always work or has other effects. he knows we don’t have any control over a period, or pms, but that it shouldn’t make women crazy and incapable (PMDD sucks, but there’s medication so I can be a normal human instead of sobbing for a week).
I mean it’s basic human physiology, like digestion or breathing, so yeah. I’d be concerned if he’s weird about it or disinterested. Especially bc we have two daughters.
I don’t know that i can say i UNDERSTAND menstruation and especially hormonal birth control, but i think men should, at minimum, be taught that they DON’T know about it. A lot of men seem to somehow develop absurd ideas about it, things like women being able to hold it in like pee.
And the other bit is just as ludicrous. Did this guy not carry condoms? Even if you weren’t taking it as a medication, being on birth control is just good sense of you don’t want to get pregnant. It’s much too late to take it when sexual encounter is in prospect; women HAVE to take it proactively .
