Rent out a boardroom
Wear a suit/business dress
“Thank you all for coming, let’s begin”
Hand out worksheets/detailed packets
Prepare slides, graphs and pie charts
Take questions after the presentation
bit idea: Coming out of the closet to your family, but treat it like a daily standup meeting
mom… dad… I’ve decided to put an agile development team in charge of my gender
Unfortunately the development team has decided to export your gender overseas this upcoming fiscal year
Since our last standup I’ve started HRT, today I plan to continue that, no blockers unless insurance denies the claim.
“Here we can see a quick overview of our H1 key results”
One 0.1% sliver that says something like “ana de Armas in knives out”
Bit idea: coming out of the closet to your family, but treating it like a wake. You get a mannequin made up to look like your old gender presentation and when your family come over to pay their respects, BAM! You jump out of the coffin as the new you and the fog machines go off and the laser light show starts.
It’s like a second gender reveal party! You could also have a pinata or something that explodes with blue or pink ribbon.
Honestly, with my mom, I’d settle for flashbangs so someone could tranq her and drag her off to an oubliette somewhere before she gets the opportunity to misgender and deadname me repeatedly, and then deflect with “but you’re the one who changed, why should I have to remember a new name or new pronouns?”*
*She actually said this about her own stepson last year. She recently remarried, and the husband has his own kids from a previous marriage. She LIVES for gossiping and gloating about how X stepkid fucked up this time, and she just wallows in the petty cruelty every fucking time. One of those kids came out as trans about two or three years ago and had to fuck off to live with his biological mother because my mom made his life a living hell. She deadnames him every time I call for one of the Mandatory Call Your Mother holidays that are hypothetically keeping me in the will, as an until-recently-only child.
I have no illusions of my parents’ generation ever accepting me.
I feel like you’d need to rip off Megamind somehow.
“Oh you’re gender alright, just not transgender”
“What’s the difference?”
“presentation”disclaimer
We are all presenting a gender, it’s a social construct. You don’t have to look a certain way to be a gender. You’re trans even when you’re not presenting, I’m paraphrasing a movie and I couldn’t think of a better way to do it, I’m sorry. I love my trans comrades.
Hold up, kiddo. What KPI’s will be impacted by this shift? Will this affect our velocity? Your pitch is also lacking in user stories.
Let’s move this to the parking lot.
“Let me just take out my beefcase, now you’ll see on this chart, if you’re not nice to me about coming out, you will have a bad time.”
“But… if you’re nice to me about coming out… you will have a good time.”
this will work but it depends on your size and business acumen.
I want the bat, but it needs some spikes added first.
Pitching your new sexuality/gender like your family are angel investors
Bit idea: Hetero trans people coming out to their homophobic family as trans by explaining that they are “no longer gay”.
Sexuality pie chart:
How much I’m attracted to the same gender
Now, if you flip to page 47 in your handout and reference the graph you’ll see that as estrogen levels go up, so does customer satisfaction.
How many story points is this?
Now may I interest you in my NFT project?
Normone
Feplacement
Therapy
Bit idea: Coming out to your family but treat it like a ReviewBrah video
Any blockers. Yes many.
