• saltesc@lemmy.world
    122·
    22 days ago

    I want a girl who is unvaccinated
    I want a girl who prays in tongues
    At a MAGA rally we will meet accidentally
    We’ll start to talk when she is spoken to
    She wants to work on her fit, fit body
    She wants to rock it with her modest clothes
    She’s changing her surname to whatever mine is
    She’s trading her career to raise our nine kids

    I want a girl with a short leash and who looooooves, loooooooooves Jesus!

    muted trumpet

  • TheTechnician27@lemmy.worldEnglish
    1042·
    22 days ago

    while I improve myself

    Damn, he got like one aspect of this kind of correct, except you know that by “improving himself” he maybe at best means getting in better physical or financial shape instead of addressing the Scrooge McDuck-style vault full of red flags, and at worst he means sliding deeper into this disgusting worldview.

  • TachyonTele@lemm.ee
    661·
    22 days ago

    Prays in tongues? Lol poor moron doesn’t even understand what he’s saying.

    • Maalus@lemmy.world
      12·
      21 days ago

      I googled it and it’s a thing in Christianity. Basically making up words to an unknown language. Try praying in Latin without knowing it and you’re praying in tongues.

      • GottaKnowYourCHKN@lemmy.world
        3·
        19 days ago

        I was raised in a church where tongues would often happen, and I got in trouble for questioning what or why they were obviously saying just gibberish.

        Like the whole collapsing on the floor and speaking in tongues while shaking. Do people really just…do that? Like, is it something most people could be pushed to do? Is it actually just a big lie? A performance? Does the pastor ask them to act in such a way before the sermon?

        • deegeese@sopuli.xyz
          3·
          14 days ago

          I think it’s a public performance to demonstrate piety by humiliating yourself in front of your religious community.

          Sort of like a contest to see who can pray the loudest.

  • magnetosphere@fedia.io
    562·
    22 days ago

    First tip to “improve yourself”: don’t use the word “woke” as an unironic insult.

    Also, consider being flexible on lots of things, particularly vaccines. It would be a shame if your dream girl died in the next pandemic.

  • Zier@fedia.io
    50·
    21 days ago

    I think he should just order the sex doll, it’s exactly what he is asking for.

      • Zier@fedia.io
        10·
        21 days ago

        I believe there is/was a company that had an option to have the doll actually say things. (embedded electronics) Super creepy but hey, if your kink is a girl praying in tongues, whatever. Not much different than someone trying to talk with their mouth full while eating lunch. Sounds sexy right??? Or creepy, it is October!

  • paddirn@lemmy.worldEnglish
    43·
    21 days ago

    I just want an attractive, big titty goth girl, who worships Satan, wants to make fuck, is vaccinated, and has a slim body that she clothes in the sluttiest outfits she can find.

    Is that too much to ask for??

    They may be rare, but they do exist. Holding out, while I continue to get worse. 🤟🏻⚡️☠️💦

  • michaelmrose@lemmy.worldEnglish
    351·
    21 days ago

    Of all the things wrong with the ad why would you imagine speaking in tongues is anything but literal mental illness.

    • SkyezOpen@lemmy.world
      9·
      21 days ago

      Watch the documentary “Jesus camp” for the long answer. Short answer is there’s a lot of them and reinforce each other’s delusions and indoctrinate children.

  • Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world
    19·
    22 days ago

    As for me, I’ll take the exact opposite!

    Oh wait. Except the woman part. I’m ok with that.

    • CameronDev@programming.dev
      23·
      22 days ago

      Sorry, too late, we’ve already shipped the grungy atheist gamer man child to your address.

      If it is not to your satisfaction, wrap it in the same packaging and we’ll give you a return address. There will unfortunately be a restocking fee.

        • CameronDev@programming.dev
          4·
          21 days ago

          All of our products with the exception of the premium “Cat Boy” and “Kawaii Maid Boy” ship a bare, to allow our customers to customise them to their own tastes.

          If you give me your order number, I can look up the status of your order and confirm the shipping status for you?

  • subignition@fedia.io
    122·
    22 days ago

    This dude needs an anime waifu to hopefully prevent him from terrorizing real women

    • werefreeatlast@lemmy.world
      21·
      21 days ago

      I like the story of Jesus and the dallllly lllllama the most. Specially the parts with lllllove and lllloss. C’mon doil agail! I love you!