I identified as bi in high school. By college I was engaged to another woman, and decided to call myself a lesbian, because my assumption was that I would spend the rest of my life in a lesbian relationship. Once we broke up, I just comfortably dropped any specific label. I guess I’m bi by definition. My current live-in boyfriend is also bi. Neither of us really care to define ourselves anymore. We’re with each other as a straight couple, so to the world we’re straight. Our friends and family already know our dating history before we got together, and are supportive no matter how we identify.

I guess as I’ve gotten older, I’ve cared less about labels. Date who you want, love who you love, and be kind to yourself. If your label is important to you, you have a right to vocalize it and embrace it. But don’t feel like you have to paint yourself into a corner. To quote the old MySpace adage: labels are for soup cans <3

Prove it in like what sense? It’s your sexuality, not a mathematical formula… fortunately (unfortunately?) you’ll constantly discover new things about it.

I do it on almost a weekly basis!

You and I don’t have anything to prove to anyone, however.

Aside from the blanket recommendation of speaking with a mental health professional in a private setting, have you thought that being worried about the labels may be taking up too much space in your thoughts for you to critically think about your sexuality and how it factors into your own happiness?

Not saying labels are inherently bad but the great thing is that you don’t need them so you’re free to think about the things that apply to you.

I started questioning my sexuality again after going through gender fuckery

I tend to ascribe to the idea that you should go with whatever label you feel most comfortable with

The bi-cycle is a meme for a reason: it’s true for many of us! There’s really no way to prove it, “bi” is the default state of “unless proven otherwise I can like people of any gender” and anything other than that state should be the thing that’s proven, imo :)

I’m bi

So very much yes

Sees hot dude

“Maybe I’m gay and just refusing to accept it?”

Sees hot chick

“Maybe I’m straight and not wanting to accept it?”

Haven’t seen anyone attractive in awhile

Brain

“Hear me out…”

What helped for me is I see labels as explaining to people outside my body in the simplest terms if we COULD be compatible in theory.

So, for example, I identify as pansexual. If someone asks me why, it’s because I have had multiple partners change gender presentation and it did not change our relationship. And i feel that’s helpful to know if someone is dating me.

If we get in the weeds, I can’t tell you what i am sexually attracted to in the abstract. I don’t have internal motivation that way. I grow to want to be sexual with a specific person over time, so sometimes I have even used demi and pan.

But as for me and inside, i just know i feel sexual when i do toward who i do. I know I have changed over the years too (at one point I would have said I was straight, can you imagine?) And sexually and gender are spectrums anyway.

I hope this search isnt causing you too much destress. Labels are supposed to be comfortable if we take them on. You don’t HAVE to label anything at all. I usually just go by queer because it’s shorter. I hope you feel comfortable with yourself and soon don’t feel like you have to prove anything to anyone. 💙

It’s not as binary like a light switch, this or that, A or B. It’s all fluid. For example, I thought I was gay at first, for some years, but didn’t dare to act or think more in that direction. Then I started to come out to myself, explore a bit and realized I might be bi. I munched on that thought and feelings a bit and later found out that I was gay. More or less, at least.

EDIT: Omg sorry for posting 3 times the same comment, my app crashed.

Yea, I question that shit on the daily. More fun than way!

Most people question themselves more than once, that’s healthy. But you don’t have to be absolutely certain of a label to use it, and you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Use what feels most right in the moment, and focus on the feelings over the labels themselves. If you think bi doesn’t feel right, you can use something similar that feels more comfortable, or an umbrella term, or no label at all. And if you find something totally different that feels right instead, you can switch to that too. As many times as you want, as often as you want. There’s no limits to exploring your identity.

The main thing is not to let yourself get too caught up in trying to perfectly define something that is, ultimately, unique to you. Labels are only useful as far as they help you understand yourself and communicate to others. If “bi” is doing that for you, don’t stress it. If it isn’t, it’s time for some self reflection and exploration.

I had to question shit like 7 times to arrive at a conclusion that lasted more than 6 months. self identity is a complex beast and it depends on the individual and how in touch with themselves they were before, which for me was not at all apparently