Welcome to the Melbourne Community Daily Discussion Thread.
Having a moment where I’m suddenly aware that there’s going to be a day where my cat passes, and it will be sooner rather than later as she’s getting old, and there’s nothing I can do to protect her.
She’s been a constant companion for a very long time, and I’m not ready for that day.
How the fuck do youse deal with these kinds of feelings? First time in a long time that the waterworks kicked off and my anxiety is doing shit I really am not okay with
I cry.
Same mate, same.
Acknowledge the feelings are OK, they are normal. Of course it’s sad and stressful to know our loved pets are getting closer to their time. And when it happens it’s so bloody hard. It’s the price of loving our pets. Give her her best life, and enjoy the present.
I will mate, thank you
I dwell on this a lot and don’t know how to manage when it happens. I just try to focus on spoiling her and making life as good as it can be until then.
You can somewhat protect her by looking after her health, managing non-malignant pain and if it comes to that, by ensuring a merciful humane passing.
I can’t stop death but she’ll be safe.
I do the same. Bought her a cooling mat this morning so she can just ride summer out, not to mention feeding her the best food I can afford. I just wish I could deal with these feelings, because they’re horrifying. I’m looking at her right now and she’s chilling and happy, but I know one day she won’t be.
Edit: you’re right mate. I know that’s all I can do, but it doesn’t stop the feeling. I’ll just aim to do all I can for her now, in any case
knowing that you have been the best friend you can be makes it easier to live with
I agree, although the anxiety doesn’t. I’m always feeling like there’s more I can be doing. And whilst it is true, I need to learn to actually deal with that feeling without hating myself
Sorry, I edited. I honestly don’t know how to deal with it beyond that :(
All good, I edited as well, and I appreciate it
Might have to bail on work after 2 hours. Thank you DT for your kind comments. 💜💜💜
If you gotta, you gotta.
Hope you feel better soon!
Whose bright idea was it to have Start-of-The-Month, Monday-After-Daylight-Savings, Monday-After-a-Long-Weekend and Monday-After-a-Short-Week all on one day!?
It’s Gary’s fault. Want me to have a chat to him?
😐
Part of daylights savings is getting used to the fact that the very hottest part of the day is quite often towards the end of the day.
Ugh threw up on the bus. Blehhhhh the other passengers hate meeeee. Pray for me.
Are you okay?
Are you OK now? Can we do anything to help you?
Noooooo :(
Oh no 😭 hope you’re okay
hugs
It really stings that, having been pushed by Dad to apologise for my part in the family blow up (I have a short fuse and tend to lash out when overwhelmed/unable to communicate important things…I know this is not a good way to deal with my problems, but it’s a perennial challenge) I do not get an apology in return.
Nor, I think, will I ever, because I never do.
I don’t regret apologising for my part, but…man it would be nice to receive one as well as give one. It would be nice if “whoops, we didn’t realise we’d pushed your boundaries so hard” happened once
Next minute family will be wondering why you never make it to events.
Here is a story that might help you deal with lack of gratitude for apologies when people push you too far.
At my old workplace, the Accountant Manager always fiddled the figures so they didn’t have to pay us commission. One week, I wandered in to the office for some issue and one of the accounts girls asked “Salvo, you always have a smile, why are you always so happy?”. I replied “whenever something bothers me, I just ignore it and bottle up the anger until it boils over and I go Postal.”
She laughed, the Accountants Manager’s face went white and we got commission paid the next month.
Is this part of the on-going problem, in that they don’t recognise or even realise that you have boundaries?
That’s the one.
I could have and should have dealt with it better. Blowing up was not helpful. I recognise this.
But I’m not a bad person because I want “no, I don’t want your help with this problem” to be respected…right?
Absolutely correct! With knobs on. While blowing up wasn’t helpful, I do think you, an adult, have an absolute right to decide what you need help for, and what you don’t. If you were 5 years old, the matter would be different. But you are not 5 years old. You have a large database of experience to draw on in making your decisions. That most definitely does NOT make you a bad person.
We have progressed. They now think I’m lying about making calls to the police (about my volatile neighbours, the original problem they’re somehow desperate to help with) and have required me to spend significant amounts of time chasing up records of those calls…
I cannot get those records without a Freedom of Information request.
They’re so sure I’m lying that I may need to spend money to prove I’m not.
This doesn’t feel like helping me.
Agh. Feels. I wonder if part of their problem is that they feel responsible for your current living situation. Whether they are, or are not, is not relevant to this. Mixed in with strong affection and a desire to protect you. Hence the less than rational response from them. Messy emotions either way. I’m really sorry you’re caught up in this. But it isn’t your problem or your fault, I think. Though this may not help much with navigating a difficult situation.
I genuinely feel hurt that they’ve spun off into their own little world of unhelpful rather than doing the much simpler thing and just listening to me the first time
Simpler, and more complex too. Hopefully things will get better soon. Are any further family get togethers planned for the near future? Such might offer an opportunity for mutual apologies by everyone involved. Maybe offer to host a dinner at your place, where they can hear the disturbances for themselves?
Shout out to all the shops that blast their AC with the front door wide open.
Incredibly wasteful but they sure are nice to walk past for those 2 seconds.
So the psychiatrist that my psychologist referred me to last week confirmed what we all suspected, that I have ADHD. What I didn’t expect was that it’s served with a side of Asperger’s (now known as ‘high functioning autism’ apparently). Did not see that one coming but it actually explains a lot.
I should start on the meds (Vyvanse) later this week. No idea what to expect, but sure, I’ll take legal speed if it’s on offer!
I got diagnosed as Autistic last week and the psychologist thinks I probably have a side serve of ADHD to go with it. Welcome to the club!
Did you suspect that was the case, or did the diagnosis come as a surprise?
Autism I strongly suspected after reading and watching some stuff about people who were diagnosed later in life and a lot of it just rung true. For years I thought I was just a chronically depressed, traumatised, introvert. I undertook some counselling this year which really helped with most of the trauma stuff. But the feeling of being burnt out, alienated and depressed was still lingering among other things. Last year I also had my manager at the time say to me that they thought I might have ADHD, which they themselves had and recommended I look into getting assessed. I was prepared for it, but it still came as a surprise. But holy shit did it explain a lot about me so I’m glad I decided to take the plunge and find out.
If not too personal, what has this all cost so far?
I’m not sure what the psychologist charges to be honest, it was all under a mental health plan that’s just been extended. The psychiatrist consultation was close to $1000 but I should get around half back. It’s pricey but a relief to finally have it confirmed and get some treatment. I’m turning 53 this week and I should have done this years ago when it became clear that things weren’t quite right.
Thanks.
If you use the medicare number 291 you can get it for cheaper. My psychiatrist doesn’t cost a lot (they cost a lot but not $500 or $1k) so I was able to get my first appointment for free, but definitely use this!
I was offered a slightly cheaper ongoing consultations option with the psych (but it was still effin expensive), or the 291 option and let my GP take care of the 'script. I went the 291.
I wish my local docs could do the scripts, I hate having to pay like $90 just to get a script.
Ooo, the AuDHD club, it’s very exclusive I hear. I get a day pass because my co-morbidities masks itself as autism (thanks PTSD).
Ah the sound of kids bouncing a ball on their way to school and my little dog going berserk because of that.
I need to vent a bit. Did my exercises just now to make myself feel better after coming home and copping criticism from both my kids and Mr P, all for different reasons. Made me feel really flat mood wise, but the exercises helped a bit. The Elder seems to think that the odd bits of swimming lessons he’s allowed me to give him here and there over the past year or so are enough for him to say that he can swim, so it’s ok for him to go to funfields with the school. He’s always been scared of the water and hates those indoor pools with reeking chlorine, so he’s always refused formal swimming lessons. Miniest is having trouble with her friends at school and can’t find anyone else to play with, so she wants to leave the school at the end of the year 🤦🏻♀️ Mr Peeler wanted to grab some cash off me to go get a beer and I had to say no because I’ve only worked 2 days last week, so even though it’s my pay day I have to keep everything tight financially for a bit. Everything is my fault somehow. Sooo tired after a hot day at work. I feel deflated and sort of defeated somehow. Might go have a cup of tea.
Hugs mate. I understand Mr P might have health problems but maybe you could talk to him about preparing some of your dinner (chop up veg eg) so that the load is not left up to you all time because the way I see it if Mr P can have a drink then Mr P can cut up a veg or too. I’m sorry if I’m out of line.
You’re not out of line mate, your comment is perfectly reasonable. I might put it to him actually. I think I’m in that daylight saving jetlag/just had 5 days off/kids are arguing/short on cash/hot and tired from work funk. Lol, should write a song about it. Thanks for the hugs, very greatly appreciated 🙂
Vent away and enjoy that cup of tea.
Home and dead. Hot and cold. Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhbleh
Dry salada crackers, and some vegemite dissolved in hot water to the colour of black tea. You’ve got to stay hydrated. Plain water may come straight back up if very cold. Hope you feel better soon.
How you feeling now mate? Hope you’re having a good rest and get better soon!
Ted Cat is dying, dying of hunger. He told me.
tagging PETA
😔
But mother, I’m starving. How ever will I survive another 10 minutes without sustenance?
Cerys is dying from a severe lack of time left alone with my tuna and cheese jaffles, oh she’s wasting away
Pro hospital system tip: If you or your loved one is pushed to go into a “Transition Care Program” while recovering from surgery refuse.
It’s so under resourced that I’ve just had to shell out what will probably be ~$2-2.5k on private patient transport because they have zero resources or budget to organise it on our behalf.
Over the weekend I finally tackled a garden I’ve wanted fixed since I moved in. It looks good so far, but too early to tell till the seedlings take off. Still, job done!
Alrighty, picked up the car, don’t have anything to hold the phone in place for navigation so it’s AUDIO NAVIGATION time in a city with winding roads and sudden changes in dedicated turn lanes!
