Half-Life 3 announced. America collapses before its released in 2031

  • Woly [any]@hexbear.net
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    6 months ago

    A republican candidate for the house or state senate in one of the Dakotas will literally kill their opponent with a gun during a debate and get elected.

    A truck full of uranium waste will disappear. The story will be covered by all news agencies for exactly one week and then never be mentioned again. In 2025, a dirty bomb will be set off by “Hamas” in a major population center.

    An article will come out revealing that Biden’s aides have secretly been testing his food because they’re afraid of Kamala Harris poisoning him. This will not affect Kamala’s approval rating in either direction.

    Someone will be murdered by a white women for picking up litter in a Walmart parking lot because her wine friends told her that it was a secret way for pedophile crime rings to pass messages to eachother.

    In that same town there will be a single article written about an underage prostitution ring being run by a bunch of retired state troopers for superbowl games. No one will read it.

    There will be a massive civil war on twitter over whether or not black people need to “take a break so that we can focus on antisemitism right now.”

    Someone will leave cum on Rand Paul’s desk in the senate.

  • M68040 [they/them]@hexbear.net
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    6 months ago

    • Lenin awakens from his century long hibernation

    • Alex Jones mocks me by continuing to live

    • The unusual amount of Australia-related foreshadowing in my life pays off

  • WhatDoYouMeanPodcast [comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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    6 months ago

    AI fake fools a politician who complains on TV -200

    Political assassination anywhere in the world +180

    Joe Biden dies +150

    A VP becomes president +300

    Legal battle for whether Israel pledges trump free speech -100

    Israel wins the legal battle +400

    A fascist doesn’t become president +99999

    Bitcoin’s price changes by $40,000 +200

    Retail real estate prices collapse +300

    Retail real estate gets bailed out +600

    Any once in a lifetime economic collapse +200

    Any once in a lifetime weather event +200

    US involvement in an African military conflict +300

    • radiofreeval [any]@hexbear.net
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      6 months ago

      Converting this to decimal odds like a normal person:

      AI fake fools a politician who complains on TV: 1.5

      Political assassination anywhere in the world: 2.8

      Joe Biden dies: 2.5

      A VP becomes president: 4 (why is this less likely than Biden kicking the bucket?)

      Legal battle for whether Israel pledges trump free speech: 2

      Israel wins the legal battle: 5

      A fascist doesn’t become president: 1001

      Bitcoin’s price changes by $40,000: 3

      Retail real estate prices collapse: 4

      Retail real estate gets bailed out: 7

      Any once in a lifetime economic collapse: 3

      Any once in a lifetime weather event: 3

      US involvement in an African military conflict:4

      • WhatDoYouMeanPodcast [comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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        6 months ago

        What I should have done for that VP becomes president is Trump wins and then dies for a big 500 odds payout alongside a sizeable Biden dies at any point this year for a 100 payout (which is on there)

  • Gorillatactics [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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    6 months ago

    Palestinian cat goes viral. Israel will try desperately to get an Israeli to get back the narrative which completely backfires with every embarrassing attempt.

    Ukraine war will spread to Moldova, crashing the economy of the maldives.

  • Dickey_Butts [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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    6 months ago

    Dems successfully prevent trump from being a viable candidate and we get to see Jan 6 again, but probably more protracted and even more disorganized. The sicko in me wants to see what the hogs will do.

  • betelgeuse [comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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    6 months ago

    The Biden cat is removed from the WH for attacking people.

    There will be pictures of Trump’s penis.

    Biden falls and is actually hurt.

    Zelensky is replaced.

    Trump narrowly loses the general election, promises to run again.

  • Egon [they/them]@hexbear.net
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    6 months ago

    Well see a coup or attempted coup in a EU member state.

    Some German politician thats anti-us gets merced.

    The newly created American army bases in Denmark lead to assassination(s) of one or more “left” organizers in Denmark. Also just regular army base bullshit.

    A new disease starts spreading among cattle. The farmers resist all attempts at regulation, China is blamed.

    I lose weight, but because of something bad happening.

    A priceless piece of art is destroyed.

    Lynetteholmen leads to drastic dieoff of the recently introduced cod-population in the Baltic.

    China produces a blockbuster akin to RRR.

    Merger between steam and some other platform.

    We’ll start seeing Ukrainian Nazis doing ISIS shit in other European countries.

    • Gorillatactics [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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      6 months ago

      A priceless piece of art is destroyed

      There’s an upcomming British show that’s supposedly bought controversial art and will have the audience decide if it should be burned.

    • SoyViking [he/him]@hexbear.net
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      6 months ago

      The Milei regime starts murdering protestors.

      A western ship is damaged by Ansarallah

      At least one high-profile assassination is attempted by Trump supporters.

      Supporters of the losing side of the American election refuses to recognise the result.

      The winner of the 2024 US presidential election dies before being able to take office.

      At least one more member of Lars Løkke Rasmussen’s astroturfed centrist party is forced to resign due to doing something weird, pathetic and/or off-putting.

      Lars Løkke Rasmussen himself will be caught red-habded in another corruption scandal, but will not be forced to resign.

      The new Danish king, being absolutely dogshit at public speaking, will stumble over his own words and say something incredibly stupid.

      At least one coup attempt in Ukraine.

      Three or more new sanctions packages against Russia.

      • Egon [they/them]@hexbear.net
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        6 months ago

        Lars Løkke makes me hate the Danish population. “Ej who cares that he embezzled funds? They’re all corrupt liars anyway”.

        1. THEN DONT FUCKING VOTE FOR THE CORRUPT LIARS.
        2. LARS LØKKE IS LITERALLY CALLED THE “QUOTA KING” FOR HIS CORRUPTION, its at a wildly different level than the rest of the ghouls assembled in the government. he has countless blatant proven scandals. Even if you say that they all do it, he does it at such a higher frequency and amount that it cannot be hidden
        • SoyViking [he/him]@hexbear.net
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          6 months ago

          But he’s “the most skillful political craftsman” because he manages to bounce back every time his incompetency and corruption is exposed. And you want to vote for people who argoing to be good at doing the job, right?

    • Dickey_Butts [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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      6 months ago

      We’ll start seeing Ukrainian Nazis doing ISIS shit in other European countries.

      I hadn’t considered this but honestly seems somewhat likely depending on how things pan out.

  • material_delinquent@hexbear.net
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    6 months ago

    Biden and Trump die on the podium, most likely at the same time

    X re-renamed to Twitter

    Hillary loses to Trump’s vice president pick

    turtles are declared an antisemitic dogwhistle

    botched coup attempts

    Russia makes small, but noticeable gains against Ukraine by the end of the year.

    Sanctions are declared, backfire

    German government fails and they have to do early elections, CDU gets into power, SPD becomes their junior partner, afd uses their 20 something percent to get through shitty laws whenever the SPD won’t vote for them

    von der Leyen decrees shoot on sight on EU borders, critics will say it doesn’t go far enough

    An additional pandemic

    More Gazan children are murdered, somebody (most likely Fetterman) explains why that’s a good thing and extremely humanitarian

    Vaush explodes and takes out Haz somehow

    • Gosplan14_the_Third [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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      6 months ago

      German government fails and they have to do early elections, CDU gets into power, SPD becomes their junior partner, afd uses their 20 something percent to get through shitty laws whenever the SPD won’t vote for them

      The FDP’s vote on the traffic light coalition actually ended with a narrow majority against dissolving the government, so it seems it will not collapse yet. The rest seems about right, except for the assumption the SPD won’t vote for the worst laws “with stomach pains” (as is often mocked).

        • material_delinquent@hexbear.net
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          6 months ago

          also don’t underestimate their cravenness, they might still collapse in summer once Merz farts in Scholz’ general direction and fdp chuddies lose it