I’ve watched all of the Gordon Ramsey Kitchen Nightmares series and it’s full of these, except it’s usually fuckin’ instead of absolute.
My favorite is when after having lunch he went back to the kitchen to find they were just microwaving everything. The exchange went like this:
“Did I have anything for lunch that wasn’t microwaved?”
“your salad”
“Of course you don’t microwave a salad you fuckin’ donut”
Equally if you write the word “totally” in front of any noun it means drunk.
“I’m totally suitcased”
That’s not a noun, is it.
Could be a system daemon process though.
you absolut vodka
And add absolutely to the front of almost anything to describe how pissed you were. I was absolutely trousered/shedded/etc
I don’t think so, you absolute absolutist!
You absolute strawberry plant
You absolute fishtank
You absolute houseplant
Yeah, this checks out
Close!
This has been a Brit thing for a decade or so, particularly Scots and Northern English. The idea is to use a noun that could already be a slightly insulting word to start with, like ‘potato’ in the example
You absolute donkey
You absolute cabbage
You absolute bin-bag
You absolute Belgian
Etc etc
On a similar note, with an “absolutely” and a word ending in “ed”, you get words which mean “very inebriated/stoned”
Common
- absolutely battered
- absolutely blathered
- absolutely pissed
- absolutely wankered
- absolutely trolleyed
- absolutely shitfaced
- absolutely twatted
Less common
- absolutely potatoed
- absolutely cultured
- absolutely traffic coned
- absolutely fishcaked
- absolutely Belgianed
- absolutely bin-bagged
- absolutely cabbaged
- absolutely Tobleroned
“absolutely” in this context can be replaced by “pure” if you’re a weegie
This is absolute Reddit shit.
You shouldn’t have given me this new power you absolute pork tenderloin!
I love it! Lol
Foods definitely work best, you absolute Dorito.
Don’t be so sure about that, you absolute budgerigar.
You absolute winner
You absolute king
You absolute beast
Im bad at this
No you’re not you absolute gummy bear
You guys are absolute stars!
You absolute noun
You absolute water bottle
You absolute textbook.
Yeah, you.
How dare you say that? you absolute toothpaste
I think his name is based on “Harvey Dent”, and not “dentistry” you absolute dolphin
Thank… You…?
Get out of here, you absolute integer.
What a non-negative thing to say.
It’s only natural to say it
You absolute absolute
You absolute value
